she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
PANTIES FOUND
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
