i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
