RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we made out on top of his cat.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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