2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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