just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
