The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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