I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize