hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
