Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
