do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
