She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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