This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
