his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
