doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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