ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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