hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
