You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
