i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
