Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
love makes seman taste better
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize