a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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