Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
