he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
