47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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