these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
