I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
