we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
