I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
