It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
