I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
