its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
