How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
