Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
