DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
