Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have so many feelings about this burrito
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
