we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
