Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
