just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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