Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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