my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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