HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
