k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
