Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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