don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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