I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Come share oat with me in your robe
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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