The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
