And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
