My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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