The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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