My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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