Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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