if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
