worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
