Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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