Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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