So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
