What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
