PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
