He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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