My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
