I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You ate ashes out of my bong
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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