Don't you send me to vm
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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