Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My dick has a subreddit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
