i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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