Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
