i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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