She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
