I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
