you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
