you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
