I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
