I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
