If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
