There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
