whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
