tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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