remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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