I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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