It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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