And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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