That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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