i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
