whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
