I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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