Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
