You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
