guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
