i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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